TEN IMPORTANT STEPS IN PLANNING YOUR WEDDING
Step 1. Dream up your dream wedding
Before you start any actual planning on organising logistics, take time to discuss the wedding you would both like to have. There are several things to consider.
Season Do you have a priority for a season? January - April and November are off season months when most venues and even suppliers will be happy to offer better deals. May - October is a busy season with higher prices and lesser availability. Most venues will be decorated for Christmas which can be a great advantage or limitation, depending on your decor aspirations.
Date Does it have to be a weekend wedding, are you open to a weekday wedding? Maybe you have your mind set on a bank holiday weekend for extended celebrations? A midweek wedding will generally cost less than a weekend wedding, but nothing is ever straightforward, sadly. If your guests are an international bunch, it’s perfectly acceptable to plan a weekday wedding as everyone will have to take time out to travel anyway, and guests are usually happy to plan a holiday around the trip. If it’s a local wedding, having your guests take annual leave to attend is a big ask, and a weekend wedding is much less demanding. If you are planning to celebrate for a few days, bank holiday weekend is absolutely idea, but those are also the dates most in demand so you might be a little more limited with your choice of venues and supplier team.
Location Are you open to a venue located anywhere or are you tied to a particular location? The more open you are, the most choices there will be.
Style What’s your style? Relaxed, elegant black tie, traditional or eclectic, this is your party and you should do whatever you love and feel comfortable with and ditch anything that feels too much, too little or gives you anxiety. There is no particular template or just one thing that works, the trick is to figure out what works for you and how you want yourself and your guests to feel on the day.
Size How big would you like your wedding to be? Small weddings have been on the raise even before all the restrictions hit, and if that’s your vibe, go for it! If you’d like to throw a party for everyone you like or ever have liked, that’s perfect, too! A little more on the guest list later.
Timeline How soon would you like to get married? The longer you take to enjoy your engagement, the more you can save, the more options you will have in choosing a date you like in a venue you love, with suppliers you adore. But maybe you want to just go for it and celebrate, and move on with the next big life decisions without having on for too long. Absolutely perfect, go for it, it’s totally doable! 6 months is a minimum you need to apply for your Marriage License.
Priorities What are things that truly matter to you and what are you happy to leave out? Being able to invite absolutely everyone, food, music, flowers, entertainment, venue, dress, location, speeches, first dance, cake, etc etc - think what are the things that are the most important and what doesn’t matter as much or at all? Pick your non-negotiables, and think about elements you’d be happy to go without if you had to compromise.
Step 2. Set a realistic budget
Everyone’s financial situation is different, and only you can know what works for you.
Set a realistic budget Decide how much you can afford to spend on your wedding. Do you have savings/how much can you manage to save? Will you take a loan? Are your families going to contribute? There is no right or wrong number, everyone’s financial situation is completely different and what might seem a lot to one couple will be absolutely nothing to another. It is relative to you and only you, and that is perfectly fine! You are throwing a beautiful party to celebrate your love and commitment to each other with those you love most, not entering some kind of imaginary competition. Whatever works, set a realistic budget of what you would like to spend. There is no wrong number, and the right number is whatever works for you.
Contingencies Allocate 10% of your budget for contingencies. There will be unexpected things that will come up, there will be last minute expenses, etc. It’s impossible to account for everything, and if you don’t allocate for contingencies, you will overspend.
Set a maximum limit Things might add up sooner than you hoped, and there might still be one or two elements you want so much, you’re willing to tip over the initial budget. Decide on what’s the max you can go over the allocated budget if this happens. Be generous at this point, but strict later on, and don’t allow yourself to get carried away. It’s so easy to go into depth because you really wanted to add a photobooth, magician, extra 15 friends from college you haven’t spoken with since and their plus ones, and a 3 tier cake. Before you know it, another 15K might have gone, and, while you won’t remember that photobooth in 10 years time, you will definitely remember the stress and financial strain.
Step 3. Make out your guest list
Create a guest list, and work out two tiers to make navigating your budget and venue’s capacities easier. The first tier will be everyone you actually want to invite, and the second tier will be those you might leave out.
FIRST TIER - definitely invite
Non-negotiable guests Your immediate family and closest friends - parents, siblings, best friends, etc. People you love, engage with regularly, and can’t imagine celebrating without.
All your very favorite people Everyone else you love and like - extended family you are close to and friends whom you might not see as often, but love nevertheless and would absolutely love to have celebrate with you.
SECOND TIER - everyone else you could, but don’t have to invite
Work colleagues Unless you are close to them and have a nice relashionship outside the office, don’t.
Extended family members Consider if your budget/venue capacity allows, do not invite if you don’t enjoy their company and don’t like them
Friends of your parents It’s customary for the parents of the couple to invite their friends to the wedding, especially if the parents contribute to the wedding funds. Custom as it is, their friends are not your friends, therefore by no means your obligation. You can set a limit (for example, 6 guests each), or chose their friends you know and like.
Old friends you haven’t spoken to in more than 2 years If you are looking for more guests to meet the minimum requirements of your venue, go for it, otherwise, don’t bother. While your wedding is a nice way to rekindle an old friendship, it is by no means a necessity.
TO CONSIDER - rather personal choice and totally up to you
Children If you have children yourself and/or close nieces/nephews and children of your best friends, you will most likely have them celebrating with you. Organise a baby sitter so your adult guests can enjoy the party, and have all your flower girls and page boys having the time of your life! If this is not the case, it is perfectly acceptable to plan an adult-only celebration.
Plus one’s You don’t have to invite plus one’s if you don’t know them and/or they are new. If you really want to invite 6 of your college time besties to your wedding, it is perfectly fine to leave their husbands at home. If you are inviting a friend who otherwise won’t know anyone, I would absolutely recommend a plus one in this case.
Generally, +/- 70 - 120 is the sweet spot for a nice and intimate wedding with guests you actually like . Unless you have a big family with lots of siblings, aunts and first cousins whom you all love dearly, anything more than 120 is, frankly, unnecessary. If you are inviting somebody who you don’t actually want to see at your wedding, I bet they won’t be excited to receive your invitation either. There can be lots of politics involved when it comes to your guest list, but the fact is, you will never please everyone. When you invite only those who you really love, nothing else will matter, you will feel so loved on, and happiness will be tangible.
Step 4. Chose a venue
With your wedding style in mind, do an internet search deep-dive and make a list of venues you’re interested in. Look for elegant castles, estates and manors if a black tie wedding is what you have in mind, and for house hotels or marquess for a relaxed laid back venue. You can have an elegant yet relaxed wedding and dress your venue of choice up or down accordingly.
Request information Get in touch with the venues you think you might like and request their package and pricing info, as well as their availability and capacity. Some bigger venues will have minimum guest requirements, and some smaller venues will have limited capacity. Keep your guest count in mind and you will be able to eliminate some venues right away.
Compare the venues Compare costs, capacity and availability, and narrow your list down to 2-5 Compare the overall cost - food, exclusive rental fees, hosting the ceremony on site, accommodation to see what the venue actually costs. The overall cost between similar venues can sometimes vary significantly, I’ve seen 10K+ difference for similar style and quality venues for 100 guests.
Visit the venues Go visit the venues in person if you can, and choose your favourite! If you are hoping for an outdoor wedding, make sure you are equally happy with all the indoor options. Check that your venue is licensed to host ceremonies on site, or that there’s an alternative ceremony venue located within a convenient distance.
Step 5. Set a date
Now that you’ve picked your venue, there will most likely be several dates available within your preferred month/season. Chose a date that suits you best, but first:
Check with your non-negotiable guests Unless you’re booking your date more than a year in advance, check in with your closest people beforehand just in case, to avoid any disappointment. While it’s not overly likely they’ll have something more important than your wedding planned, you can’t be certain that they haven’t booked an important surgery or booked a once in a lifetime trip to Australia, or have already said yes to another family wedding. As a wedding planner I know this all too well, I’ve had to skip a couple of weddings of my friends because I had been booked it to work at a wedding.
Check in with your dream suppliers If there are suppliers you have really hoped to hire for your wedding, check in to see they are available as well. If you are flexible with dates, it would be just as easy to swap for another date they are available.
Lock the date Once you are sure your chosen date works, lock it in with your venue, sign contracts, pay deposits
Step 6. Book the key suppliers
At this stage, you will know how much your venue, food and drink will cost. Reassess your remaining budget and your priorities, and secure all the key suppliers accordingly
Photographer No matter how limited your budget and how small your wedding, a professional photographer is an absolute must. Everything else can be improvised, but your photos is the only item that will stay with you for ever.
Music You will need music for your ceremony, drinks reception, and dancing. This can be all live, followed by a DJ for the late hours, or you can simply hire DJ for the whole day to provide professional sound system and play music of your choice, or, if your budget and priorities dictate, you can just rely on your venues sound system and use a playlist for the whole day or some parts of the day
Celebrant If you are signing your marriage documents, a licenced celebrant is a must. If you decide to sign your marriage paperwork prior to your wedding day, you can kindly ask somebody close to you, well versed in public speaking, to initiate the ceremony for you instead. It’s not a bad alternative to a traditional ceremony, and makes for a most fun and most personal experience.
Hair stylist and makeup artist You want to feel your most beautiful on your wedding day, and I would suggest this is a must for you and for your closest ladies. Research portfolios carefully to make sure their style fits yours, and organise a trial beforehand to make sure they know exactly what you like.
Videographer I would recommend a videographer as a must if you can at all fit it in your budget - photos are a treasure, but videos evoke memories on a whole different level. Trust me and thank me later.
Florist You might love flowers, and you might have put them on your priority list. If so, work with your florist to create maximum impact with your budget. However, if flowers are not a priority and you don’t care for them, take this as your permission to leave them out. You can save € by walking down the aisle with a nice foliage bouquet, and you can create beautiful centerpieces with candles in various heights.
Cake A wedding cake is a luxurious extra and a photo prop, not a necessity. Unless on your priority list, dessert provided by your venue or catering team will be more than enough.
Decor If you are happy with whatever your venue offers, there is no need for anything extra. If you would like to elevate the look of your venue, firstly, look at the chairs - are they nice, do they work with the interior of the space? If not, hire different chairs. Secondly, look at the linens. As a standart, most venues have stark white linens, which, unless the walls are also stark white, clash with the dinner space. Hire soft shade linens that reach down to the ground and the space will be transformed. Add charger plates and personalised menu’s to elevate your tablescapes.
Coordinator I absolutely recommend hiring a professional to manage the production of your wedding day. They will familiarise themselves with your plans and all the details, they will check your timelines, communicate with all your suppliers. On the wedding day, they will make sure everyone is where they have to be, everything looks like it has to look, and gently guide you and your guests throughout the day so you can enjoy your wedding and don’t have to worry about a thing. If you can’t at all fit a coordinator in your budget, you’ll need to be extremely organised, make lists and dedicate tasks to friends and family.
Extra entertainment A fun extra, not a necessity. Photobooths, magicians, caricaturists, etc etc - unless on your priority list, this can easily be left out.
Step 7. Send out Save The Date
Send out save the date’s Whether it’s a beautiful handmade paper card send by post, an e-card, a text, a call or an email, I would recommend letting your guests know at least 9 months in advance. People make plans, if you want them there, you need them to know as soon as possible.
You can also request a tentative attendance response at this stage to give you a better idea of the numbers and, accordingly, your budget.
To avoid guests contacting you with questions, I also recommend creating a wedding website. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate, but it’s great to have all the information conveniently in one place with all the Q and A’s included.
Step 8. Legal documents
Book a marriage notification appointment You will need to give 3 months notice to your local civil registration office. To allocate for waiting lists and delays, I recommend starting the process 6 months prior to your wedding date.
You will find all the relevant information on the HSE website
Step 9. Wedding attire
Arrange fun outings to go wedding attire shopping. It is recommended that you order your wedding dress at least 6 months in advance to allow for making, shipping and alterations.
Additional items to consider:
Undergarments Make sure you factor in whatever you might wear underneath the dress.
Morning attire Think of what you’ll wear on the morning of your wedding while getting ready. It doesn’t necessarily have to be matching pajamas, but there will be photos and videos made and the better you feel in your clothes, the more you’ll enjoy those photos.
Day before and day after If you are planning other events, think of what you’ll be wearing. It’s your main character moment, have fun shining!
Shoes If your dress is long, closed toe will look better than open toes poking out from underneath it. Consider something comfortable to change into for dancing.
Jewelry Your wedding rings is just one thing, but think about earrings, necklaces, bracelets, headpieces or whatever else you might like to wear on your wedding day. Maybe you have some precious family heirloom you’d like to incorporate.
Bridal party attire What will your bridesmaids and groomsmen wear? Do you want to go the traditional route and have the same dress/suit for everyone? Unless it’s something you actually prefer, you don’t have to have matching bridesmaid dresses. You don’t even have to provide them, it’s perfectly fine to allow your girls and boys to wear whatever they please. To avoid clashing, do give your girls some guidelines - for example, bright florals, pastels or metallics, etc.
Step 10. Dive into details
Dive into all the details and add them to your wedding website as you go:
Day before and after Revisit your budget again and decide on your day before and/or after events. Will these be elaborate events or low key gatherings? Will you offer sit down dinner or a laid back pub grub? Will you invite everyone or selected people only? Will you provide music or any other entertainment?
Transportation If your guests will be staying in various places nearby, will you provide transportation to and from the venue? Make sure your guests can safely get home, a shuttle loop is a great idea.
Timeline Consider all the details and create a timeline for your wedding day. 2pm ceremony, 5.30pm call for dinner and 9pm first dance is standard for a good reason. Make sure there’s enough time for everyone to get ready in the morning, if you are planning on the first look, factor that in. Allocate travel time to and from the ceremony if it takes place in a different venue. When will you do family photos? Plan your speeches - how many, how long will they be and when will you do them? If dancing takes place in the same space as your dinner, will there be time between the meal and first dance to allow for the band to set up and the room turned over for dancing? What will you do during this time to avoid a lull?
Communicating with your guests Send out invitations abour 3-4 months prior to the wedding. Request detailed RSVP’s that include their attendance to all the events you have planned, dietary requirements and any other details relevant to your wedding - needs for transportation, childcare, etc etc. Keep adding information to your wedding website and, to avoid guests bombarding you with questions on the wedding week, consider sending a reminder email a month prior to your wedding date.
Create a seating plan Start early! This can be either a really fun or a tedious and time consuming job, don’t leave it last minute.
Difficult relationships If there are any difficult relationships in your family, how are you going to manage them? Involve your siblings, friends, anyone who know the ins and outs, make sure there is somebody in charge to divert and troubleshoot discreetly. For example, if you’re afraid your expressive step mom might take over the peaceful wedding morning you have planned, give her a job, something she can do instead to feel involved and important, yet at a safe distance.
My last, and most important parting note
Make sure to take care of yourself and manage potential anxiety and overwhelm in advance. You’ll spend so much of your precious time and money planning your dream wedding day, it’s so easy to get overwhelmed, especially if something goes wrong. If you catch yourself getting carried away or getting stressed, take a little break and remind yourself that the only thing that truly matters is both of you celebrating your plan to do life and grow old together, by throwing a fun party to those you really love. And if it turns out your flowers are the wrong shade, the cake looks a little different, or you forget to bring your earrings, this is NOT IMPORTANT. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is you both, and your guests being there. Perfection is overrated!
BEST OF LUCK WITH PLANNING AND I WISH YOU BOTH THE MOST AMAZING DAY!
With love,